Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
“Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Employee called his cat and said, “CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.”
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet…….
Ate the cookies……..
Drank the milk…….
sh*t on the paper…….
Screwed the other three cats…….
Claimed he injured his back while doing so…….
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions…….
Put in for Workers Compensation……………and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave…………
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
Odd Pet Laws
We know our petcentric readers are not only devout animal lovers, but also law-abiding citizens. So, just to keep you and your pets out of jail, we thought we’d make sure you’re aware of some of the lesser-known laws that may still be on the books where you live or travel.
Now we didn’t actually sniff around law libraries to find these! We found them in various books and web sites – and it’s possible that some of them have been humorously characterized from how the law was actually written! Every city and state has their share of odd laws on their books – we’re just bringing you a few that relate to your pets.
Most of these apply to dogs and cats, but since many of you may have other pets (and because laws governing other animals are so much funnier) we’ve provided a few of those too.
Any animal that goes out after dark must wear a tail light.
All cats venturing outside must wear three bells to warn birds of their approach.
French Lick Springs, IN
All black cats must wear bells on Friday the 13th.
Dog leashes may not be over eight feet in length.
No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
Drinking and Smoking
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is illegal to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animal.
If you’re in a public park you may not give any animal any alcoholic beverage or tobacco.
North Brook, IL
It’s against the law for a dog to bark more than 15 minutes.
Little Rock, AR
Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
Dogs are not allowed to bark or howl between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m.
Cats are not allowed to howl after 9 p.m.
It is unlawful to whistle for your escaped pet bird before 7 a.m.
If a frog’s croaking keeps you awake at night, you can have that frog arrested.
Birds have the right of way on public highways.
It is illegal to blindfold cows on public highways.
You may not march your goose down the main street.
Out on the Town
You may not take a French Poodle to the opera (no matter how well quaffed!).
It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.
Animals are not allowed to enter barbershops for the practice of hairdressing.
It is illegal to educate dogs.
No person is allowed to sleep in a dog kennel.
People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
International Falls, MN
Cats are forbidden from chasing dogs up telephone poles.
If your pets share a meal, they must be given equal portions, or the owner will be fined up to €324 ($424).
Dogs are prohibited from acting as though they are “vicious animals.” This includes excessive barking, growling or making menacing gestures.
Dogs are not allowed to “worry” squirrels in the public park next to the capitol.
It is forbidden to imitate an animal.
Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy the birds.
Spitting on a seagull is not tolerated.
Reed City, MI
If you own a cat, you may not have a pet bird. There’s a $25 fine for the offense.
Dogcatchers are prohibited from bothering cats while looking for wayward dogs.
It’s against the law to teach a bear to wrestle.
You may not blow your nose outdoors, as it may scare a horse and cause it to panic.
Ft. Thomas, KY
Dogs may not molest cars.
City Council order: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.”
Any dogs bearing tattoos must be reported to police.
Dog owners can be fined €500 ($652) if they don’t walk their dog at least three times a day.
Get a Room
Ventura County, CA
Cats and dogs are not allowed to mate without a permit.
Animals must not be allowed to mate publicly within 500 yards of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
New Castle, DE
Couples are not allowed to make out, or even hold hands, while walking a dog on a leash.
A police officer may bite a dog to quiet him.
The dogcatcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
You must submit to psychoanalysis before being considered for the job of dogcatcher.
Sources: The Book of Strange and Curious Legal Oddities by Nathan Belofsky; You May Not Tie Your Alligator to a Fire Hydrant by Jeff Koon and Andy Powell; Whacky Laws, Weird Decisions & Strange Statues by Sheryl Lindsell-Roberts, K.R. Hobbi, Ted LeVallian & Marcel Theroux; Loony Laws That You Never Knew You Were Breaking by Robert Wayne Pelton; dumblaws.com; squidoo.com; dogsinthenews.com; humantimes.com; and strangefacts.com.